Happy December. I’m still on hiatus, but this rest and break have been worth it for my mental health. I’m hoping to return soon.
My plan is still January, and I’m still hesitant— but I’m feeling better about some things and rested.
Sorry for the long thread. Getting my thoughts out, and I didn't want to make this an announcement. I'm just tired, and I think I'm jaded at this point. I feel like people just hate me at this point but I really don't care. I know I can find the right people and continue to do what I love.
It is possible I will return sooner than January, but I'm not sure. We'll see.
At this rate I don't trust anyone and have genuinely lost hope for the future of my content creation.
But I stick with it anyway, because I enjoy doing it for *me* and also need to make a living.
You do not get to speak for me, you do not get to tell me what to do- you do not know my life. The people who know my life are the people I consider family and the people who quite literally live in the same house as me.
I want to have fun online, and I'm not letting people take that from me.
This is my passion, and it is also how I contribute to my family and help us have food on the table, how I afford basic necessities- and even then, I'm disabled with no access to healthcare and I live far below the poverty line. I am only stable because of the generosity of my adoptive mom.
When I started content creation, I was hoping to use my platform for good and connect with people who shared similar interests and my mindset. Instead I've been harassed, threatened, violated, and abused. I am shocked that I want to continue doing this, because I am sure anyone else would quit.
My space is for BIPOC LGBTQIA2S+ people, period. The privileged are *welcome* in my space, so long as they are respectful, but it is not for them.
I am sick of people being cruel and trampling my boundaries. I come first in my own space. If you don't like it, then, genuinely- find another space.
I am going to handle things far more differently from now on. I do not care if that makes me seem colder or like a bitch, but I am tired.
If I have to tell you my boundaries, and you disrespect them, I'm not going to tell you a second time. I am not here to babysit, and I am not here to fix adults.
What happened to me was violating and traumatic, but I'm not going to get into it again. Either way, it has made me realize two things:
I have been too lenient with my boundaries, and this is not the type of community I wanted to foster. Too many people come into my space and disrespect it and me.
It's been over a week since I made my hiatus post.
I am okay, for the most part. I am taking time to reflect and heal. I still feel unsafe and unsure about returning to streaming, but I know for a fact that I will not be quitting/graduating. I just feel really... icky, for lack of a better term. 🧵
Continue to harass me and I will seek legal action. Thanks!
I will be deleting my posts from yesterday, and I am still on hiatus; however, I have talked extensively about my experience on my alt account @sailormavis.bsky.social. I don't want this taking up space on my main account, and I just want peace and to stop being harassed.
I'm not deleting my posts. I've been enduring harassment and stalker behavior for over a month. I could have handled things more graciously, but I am sick of people expecting me to be graceful in these situations. Everyone tells me how to react, but never the people hurting me how to act.
I know I have nothing to apologize for, but years of gaslighting & invalidation make me embarrassed when I ever have to stand up for myself or get angry. I will say: I'm sorry I brought that to my main, but I do not regret a word I said and I stand by what I did. I refuse to stay silent when abused.
Update: I won't be going live tomorrow.
I will finish SMRPG off stream, and record it and post it as longform content, that way I can wrap up the series. I hope you guys can understand, but I don't really feel safe or comfortable streaming right now.
I'm really sorry if that's a letdown.
Thank you, apologies for not being able to write my own alt text- I was distressed
i feel like i’ll only get peace if i stop breathing at this point. if it weren’t for the fact that i love streaming, i’ve invested so much into it, and I don’t want to be alone, i’d have quit a long time ago.
I would not be surprised if he’s lying about therapy or lying to his therapist either— I was in therapy several times last year, and he knew this. Every bit of the message is intentionally cruel and disgusting, not to mention ableist beyond belief. It’s full mask off. I’m just done.
My last stream will be tomorrow and I plan to finish Super Mario RPG- I don't want to leave it unfinished. But after that I'm taking my break.
I'm done staying silent about my suffering. The bad is starting to outweigh the good, and something has to change. See you in January. I know I can't leave streaming forever, and yes, I fully intend to stick with this.
Don't forget about me."
I don't know how I'll manage financially, but I know I deserve better than what I went through this year. The victories I obtained were huge, but behind the scenes, I've been dealing with far more bullshit and harm that I avoid talking about to preserve my image.
I just wanted to stick to my morals and engage with people who share interests with me while using my platform for good.
But something bad happened to me today, and I feel like even around my birthday I cannot have the tiniest shred of respect or peace. I can't do it, y'all. I need a break.
Growth has been stagnant. That's not what bothers me, it's the fact that I cannot seem to escape people stomping/trampling my boundaries, or I get insane amounts of harassment and cruelty directed my way. When I wanted to be a content creator, this is not what I wanted to deal with.
"The Moon Palace's doors are closing until January. I am going on hiatus.
I'm stressed out, guys. So many people are cruel to me and I'm starting to hate content creation. I want to love it, but I don't as much as I used to. I don't feel happy with this, and it's my only form of income.
I think I'm gonna take a hiatus. The negatives are starting to outweigh the positives. I don't deserve this. I never did. I just want peace. The shit I have endured this year is insane.
Just remember: I'm the one succeeding and much happier than these people overall. There's a reason for that.
I want everyone to think about this before framing me as a bad person, for real. This SUCKS to deal with.
I'm embarrassed I'm this angry, but I have every RIGHT to be!! Abusers have tried so hard to invalidate my feelings. This dude watched every little thing I went through. And he still goes out of his way to be this level of cruel. I was *nice* to him on his birthday despite him GUILT TRIPPING ME.
I know it's not a good look to air out my dirty laundry like this but jesus christ, dude. This all could have been avoided if people shut the fuck up and stopped harassing me. I ask for the bare minimum. The bar is so low and these fucking freaks still make the effort to limbo under it.
If you see his message he literally acted so nice and caring then went right to calling me a narcissist and liar??? DUDE???
you made me feel unsafe and i will make sure you feel unsafe on every platform for having the fucking gall to harass me for over a month including the day after my birthday
you cannot let me have ONE moment of time to just have the TINIEST shred of peace, while abusing me in the process
you made me feel unsafe and i will make sure you feel fucking unsafe on every platform for having the fucking gall to harass me for over a month including the day after my birthday
you guys cannot let me have ONE moment of time to just have piece
Now you can deal with the consequences of your actions. I cared a LOT about my image because content creation is my full-time job, but you guys poked the bear and I am done sitting down and taking it and being "nice."
All of you who lied to me, abused me, violated my privacy- y'all can drop dead.
I guarantee you it's 100% subtle racism too because ALL of these people are white. I'm Indigenous, and they all witnessed how I was treated multiple times, by several people.
These people ALWAYS put their whiteness first when it comes down to it.
I've said my piece, I want to move on and enjoy my fucking holidays. You people are fucking cruel and abusive, you'll do anything to paint me as the aggressor because I dared grow a spine and set boundaries. Fuck all of you weirdos from my past. I deserve peace, you refused to give it.
Thank you for looking out for others the way you have.
more proof he harassed me by editing his discord messages btw. look how quick his switch flipped. THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR OVER A MONTH NOW.
also can we talk about how this grown-ass fucking man decides to call me the same things my active abuser was that i escaped after 30 years because he knows it hurts and is deliberately cruel and hateful
but im the bad guy here, totally
im so done being graceful, ill let everyone go tf off on you
Also like? I'm not hiding anything? The receipts of HIS behavior are all there, he even talked about me sexually to one of my OWN FRIENDS
anyways cis white men continue to prove themselves to be unsafe to trans indigenous fem folk like me, what else is new. but keep painting me as the aggressor and abuser without realizing how much that reveals about you- you witnessed everything i went through and even still resort to this lmao.
Keep violating my privacy. Keep digging yourself a deeper grave and telling yourself I am a narcissist after putting up with your bullshit for six years.
You were never a friend, you were the textbook definition of a man wanting to get in my pants and waiting until you had access. Rot.
YOU'RE FUCKING 45??? ACT LIKE IT
this man also tried to guilt trip me on his birthday btw and openly admits to disrespecting my boundaries in his message but like god forbid i decided to distance because i have a mental illness that HE triggered and admitted to failing to communicate
I am done staying silent about ppl who abuse me
I unblocked him to send this and he's blocked me in minutes.
Again, fuck around and find out, now everyone knows what you are.
@abluelobster.bsky.social You're a worthless piece of shit, a sex pest, an abuser, and a creep. You ran right to a PEDOPHILE AND RACIST that hurt me directly, after being cut off for being a fucking creep.
Let everyone see what you truly are. Thanks for doing this for me so I don't have to.
"deleting receipts," no you made me feel unsafe so I deleted my messages so you wouldn't have access to my personal info
This dude fetishized me and treated me like a sex object and routinely stomped on my boundaries on my alt account where I do NSFW content
But I'M the narcissist and liar?
DEAD ASS, I was saying my piece in my own spaces and avoiding bringing this up publicly! I failed several times. But dude, you're blocked on discord. You EDIT YOUR MESSAGES to keep sending me awful shit. Just fuck off and leave me alone!! You're the REASON fem people feel hesitation to cis white men