Jen Watson
@jwatson.bsky.social
I’m just here so I don’t get fined.
So I bought the first ever leather shoes of my life at 39 years old - like, leather outer, leather sole, whole shit.
Is this how the rest of you have been living? I am a new person. My feet are happy to be somewhere for once. Holy shit.
this is probably how normal people would announce that they’ve left their job of seven and a half years
one thing about me is that six days from this minute I will be free from corporate job and then I will be Feral, unreachable, a bitch of the trees letting nature reclaim me
Becoming irrationally irritated when Instagram tells me I’m all caught up and there are no more posts to see. I will never stop scrolling. I’m out of posts when I say I’m out of posts. Now fetch me another silly cat.
for every hot dog someone tells me they will not eat I will be eating two
Think it’s 1997 when a boy liked me and I liked him but the way he chose to express that was bringing me a cool frog, which I emotionally appreciate NOW
Thing is I am fucking terrified of most creatures that aren’t a cat and I fuckin’ lost it and anyway that’s the story of my whole dating life
In genuine awe that the type of person who would write this review gave the item in question five stars
young people don’t read books, they don’t even go outside and socialize with their friends anymore, must be the damn phones
anyway time to ban children from public libraries and congratulate ourselves for a job well done
publishing narrows and narrows, while libraries are being forced to go adults-only— literaryactivism.substack.com/p/an-idaho-p...
An Idaho Public Library Will Become Adults-Only July 1, 2024
The decision is a result of a state bill that allows parents to sue libraries with "inappropriate material."
literaryactivism.substack.comMy favorite is Prince Fielder Explains Complexities of Salary Arbitration Using Cheeseburgers, but for “quintessential” I believe you are 100% right here
Just want everyone to know that today I managed to do something so Dad that I’ve got my answer on lock for when @celebrityhottub.bsky.social does this year’s Tell Me The Most Dad Shit You’ve Done Lately thread in a month.
I almost miss the Twitter effect where by the numbers you could bitch about something and that thing would somehow be caught within ten minutes of the concern.
I was at a bar tonight with people I’d LOVE to shame publicly but damn, in a perfect world someone else already would’ve, you know?
I don’t think I’m at all in the zone to really see it but it is a goddamn beautiful night in the backyard regardless.
am I reading correctly that Scrub Mommy does twice the work as Scrub Daddy without the same recognition
am I reading correctly that Scrub Mommy, does twice the work as Scrub Daddy without the same recognition
just dropped husband off at the airport for a five day solo trip, so let’s find out how many menu items in this town contain the word “volcano”
SPOUSE: I have to work late Thursday
OUTER MONOLOGUE: I am going to miss you
INNER MONOLOGUE: I am going to eat something very stupid
HORSE RACING ENTHUSIAST AND KNOWN NOSTRIL EXPERT JOSH GONDELMAN
I bet three dollars on a horse named Mystik Dan to win the Kentucky Derby because it would be funny for the Derby winner to be a horse that sounds like a guy who would sell you mushrooms in the parking lot of a Phish show.
crucially, the form allows you to upload attachments, so it’d be crazy if someone were to take advantage of everything about this god-awful system by uploading PDFs and images of their creative choice
So Utah, having passed a transphobic bathroom bill, has launched an online form for people to snitch on folks they think are in the "wrong" bathroom or locker room. Be a real shame if people on the Internet flooded it with fake reports: ut-sao-special-prod.web.app/sex_basis_co...
I don’t really have the motivation to publicly shit on people charging what they’re worth, but I was just looking for somewhere to get my skin looked at and found out the spa around the corner from me offers a SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLAR FACIAL
I’m at an hour and a half so far BUT am theoretically only three back in line! While I also don’t want to jinx me, I absolutely blocked out the whole day and might come in under two hours
I have to go to the Fell St. DMV today.
Where my prayer warriors at.
My rose bush is blooming and it’s a perfect 65 degrees in San Francisco and I am seeing a baseball game tonight and I just think it is important to share when things are blooming and warm and happy
For real, last week I was telling a complete stranger at the bar about how I buy a copy for everyone I know who has a baby, and added “and the jacked grandpa can get it”.
I strongly recommend HOW TO BE A PIRATE by @isaacfitzgerald.bsky.social and not just because the book features a hot grandpa.
She 100% still looks at me exactly like she did when she was a kitten
I spent last night making and eating a truly copious amount of loose meat sandwiches for friends and we ate absolutely nothing else and it is maybe one of the most successful dinner parties I have ever thrown.
oh this for real might be what gets me off Facebook after 20 fucking years
Here is Facebook's Ai responding to someone complaining about their drive thru experience at KFC in Sherwood Park Alberta for some reason
if it helps, I had to look back up at the TV after I typed it to make sure that was the actual record of an actual postseason team
Sometimes I take a cold hard look at my own life and realize I’m spending multiple hours of it watching a team with a fucking 36-46 season record play in a “playoff game”.
Me, stuffed but stubbornly finishing my tacos anyway: I’m the dumbest bitch in this restaurant, but I’m about to have two tacos in my tummy.
Husband: Far better than being the dumbest bitch in the restaurant on an empty stomach.
The child bombed and everyone hated him and we’ll be reliving that next week. Perfect use of NBC’s airtime.
Cool, hey, anyone know what intel Shane Gillis has on Lorne Michaels and why this racist, useless sack of shit keeps getting airtime? Thought we fixed this once!
(there’s gonna be a party when the wolves come home)
Inside me there are two wolves. Not inside you. Just me. Please help me, please, these wolves,
If it helps, our RSVPs to our mostly-cross-country wedding were exactly like this, because people who were 100% sure replied immediately and the ones on the fence waited to see if they could make it work or not, and were more likely to decline
If it helps, our RSVPs to our mostly-cross-country wedding were exactly like this, because people who were 100% sure relied immediately and the ones on the fence waited to see if they could make it work or not, and were more likely to decline
The bottomless coffee is fucking awful and I WILL be having another cup
We had a 7:00 res at an Italian place a couple weeks ago and when we got there it was damn near empty and I KNEW we’d be the last table because the remaining two had already gotten their checks. Ate that gnocchi like my ass was on fire.
oh no this is me with place name and body part being used to describe someone and it somehow generates an image
he got those idaho arms
girl got those Alaska thighs
et cetera, down to I think you know what I mean when I say they got Biscayne Bay eyes
Oh, see, I was a thousand percent with you on the first because I just decided against a Vrbo in Grass Valley because it had a $150 cleaning fee for two nights ($217/night became $645 for two), but WOW that note would have sent me into the sun.
just quietly adding to my list of reasons to take to the sea
treat yourself to one (1) overpriced 375mL bottle of wine from either the room minibar or the downstairs hotel convenience store and LIVE