Sweetie π

Hey, it’s Sunday night and you know what that means — people be crying

Why don’t you try being the wind beneath my wings for a change, you selfish prick

Buy!

😘

Bloody teeth

I’m the president of our neighborhood watch (self-appointed)

Don’t go changing to try and please me

Sweet release

How else can I afford to by name brand cereal

Your Honor, I can’t change who I am just to please you

You watch sports? That’s nice. I watch my neighbor dig holes in his backyard at night

Thaaaaank yooooou! 😘🥰😍

Of course!

Technically but you’ll still pay a price

Let me just mark that down in my book

Only if you promise to playfully tumble around for me

watch French cooking shows and chill

I regularly worship on my knees tyvm

Thank you 🙏🏻

Meep meep

Oh I’ll cage you all right

Deal 🤝♥️

Lady, you better not abandon this place before I do!

I’m going to put all of you in a zoo or maybe my lab

I’ll give it some thought

🩷🩷🩷

Honestly, at this point I don’t think there’s anything I could do other than produce this woman that would convince her that Kate is not dead. It’s wild

Listen, my aunt is convinced she’s dead so who knows

Damnit

I think I’ve been on this site too long my brain is melting out of my ears

Let’s go bb

I do every night

It’s going to hurt but I’ll play some great music too

Would you hold it against me if I sacrificed you under the pale moonlight

I appreciate bit

I fever will

I’m from SF and this is true

I have an aunt who is obsessed with the British royal family and she texts me regularly to ask if I know where Kate Middleton is and being someone who couldn’t care less I never do so if you kids have any info please let me know thanks

Mmm butter 🧈

I wonder if I’ll ever care enough about my posts again to send them without typos

Typos are my signature move

🙏🏻🙌🏻

Jesus wants us to be happy

🙌🏻

Omg another typo I need to get off this site

It’s sit on his face Sunday amen 🙏🏻

Humans being humans is a bummer 😞

I feel as though the waffle dimples would too easily fill up with water